TL;DR

• Say a lot without saying anything: Master the use of vague, empty rhetoric.
• Flip-flop constantly and stick to the talking points. Change positions as often as the winds change directions.
• Blame everyone else: Deflect responsibility at every opportunity.
• Treat campaign promises like expired coupons: Useful for elections, forgotten afterward.
• Surround yourself with yes-men: Only keep people who agree with you.
• Create fake crises to solve later: Manufacture problems so you can pretend to fix them.
• Prioritize photo ops over actual work: Optics matter more than outcomes.

Congratulations: You’re electable.

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7 Skills Future Politicians Need To Get Elected

Look at the world we live in today and all that is wrong with it can be traced back to politicians. The economy, foreign relations, corruption, environment, and crime are affected by the decisions of these self-serving and clueless dirtbags. I don’t have much respect for politicians and feel they do more harm than good. If you must, then here are seven skills you need to pad yourself and your cronies’ pockets, but first, you have to get elected.

1. Say a Lot Without Saying Anything

Master the use of vague, empty rhetoric. Use phrases like “we’re looking into it” or “we’re committed to peace”, without ever defining what “it” or “peace” actually means. Learn to love hearing yourself speak, and it doesn’t hurt to throw insults to the opposition now and then.

2. Stick To The Talking Points

Consistency is for amateurs. Update your beliefs to match the latest poll or your party’s latest talking points. This is the key to brainwashing followers, and this fools the public into thinking you are intelligent when being interviewed by the media.

3. Blame Everyone Else

Since you have no idea how the world works or understand your constituents’ lives, you will make stupid decisions, and things will go wrong. People may lose their lives or their livelihood, so make sure it’s someone else’s fault. Blame the media, the voters, the previous administration, or even the weather.

4. Treat Campaign Promises Like Expired Coupons

They’re great for attracting votes from sheeple, but expire the moment you win. Use them liberally, then quietly file them under “no way is that happening.” Don’t forget to insult the opposition.

5. Surround Yourself With Yes-Men and Women

Build a team that agrees with everything you say, even when you’re winging it. It also doesn’t hurt to find a group of useless idiots who will riot on your behalf and worship you like you are the answer to all their problems.

6. Create Fake Crises to Solve Later

Nothing boosts approval ratings like being the hero of a problem you created. Stir up panic, then swoop in with a “solution” no one asked for. Start a war, and when this war starts to get old, play the part of peacemaker.

7. Prioritize Photo Ops Over Actual Work

Governance is hard. Posing with a hard hat or holding a shovel is easy. Stick to the optics—people love a good photo, even if nothing gets done. Photo ops in the war zone, poor neighborhoods are a must if you what to keep up the deception of you giving a crap.

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Final Thought

Congratulations! You are now completely useless and unqualified for real leadership, but perfectly positioned to win an election.

Politics: it’s not about what you do, it’s about how good you look doing nothing for the people that voted for you.

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